The World According to Hicks.

Who do I have to blow...?

That's my go-to line for when I ask for something repeatedly and am not getting a response. It's very effective because:

1. It gets a laugh every time.
2. It shocks people into responding right away...and they're in good spirits, because of Reason 1.

The whole curriculum issue has made me say this line (within the house) many times over the past month or so. Seriously, that war is STILL raging on. I need a moment to vent on the personal side of the blog...which brings me to...

...The much more ominous revelation that, at the highest levels of the Archdiocese, there is a lemming mentality. I kind of always suspected it, but have seen clear, sobering evidence of it played out before my eyes. Even though they're jumping off the proverbial cliff to their deaths, these scholars/leaders simply refuse to display any semblance of independent thought. Common sense be damned! They're united in their quest to reject the obvious. And with that, they've resolutely chosen to ignore us, the parents and parishioners; the sheep whom they are supposed to lead.

Let's be clear on one thing. Where they're leading me, I have no intention of going.

Lookit, I'm no saint by any means. I drink a lot. I swear a lot. I'm rude and irreverent (e.g.: the title of this post, duh). I make a ton of mistakes each and every day and I totally own up to that. However, I'm not a pillar of the community nor am I an authority on Catholic education like the folks whom we are battling over this curriculum issue. I'll be the first to admit, I'm a little naive. However, I knew that the Archdiocese was not an infallible entity. But the degree of shadiness that they're displaying, en mass, is jarring me to the core.

And, in case you were wondering:

Hicks has contacted Archbishop Schnurr (a.k.a. the Superintendent's boss, per his recommendation) and even the Archbishop responds with the party line of "talk to the Superintendent." Seriously, Hicks has received that response from a lot of upper-level people within the Archdiocese. Uh, hello? HICKS HAS ALREADY DONE THAT. He did that weeks ago, and he's STILL getting that response.

These people just don't get it. This whole mess is way beyond the scope of just the curriculum. They dropped that ball a while back. Now, it's about doing the right thing. Sure, we want the curriculum to be readily available to parents. But now, the actions of the leaders of the Archdiocese are under our microscope. How do they responsibly handle someone like Hicks? After all, he has the gall to ask them to do something that will ultimately better their own product, per se. Is that so awful, so heinous?

No, I don't think so either.

Hicks is a smart, persistent guy who won't rest until this gets resolved. Period. We know Hicks. We know better. These folks are getting a crash course in Hicksology 101. They'll learn that they can't blow him off by passing the buck or by ignoring his emails. They'll learn that they can't scare him with empty threats. They'll learn that if they want to engage him in a battle of wills, well, sucks to be them. He'll school them.

Go Hicks.

2010 - Year of the hard core Cake Bake

The 2010 Cub Scout Father/Son Cake Bake is officially in the books. This is an annual event in which Cub Scouts (grades 1-5) and their fathers (grandfathers/uncles/etc.) bake and decorate a cake. The entrants bake the cake ahead of time and then decorate their cakes at the event based upon a theme that is literally drawn out of a hat. The theme was "Military." There are 3 Golden Spoons awarded - my apologies to the Williams', I didn't snap a picture of your cake. Let's take a look at the other winners, shall we?

Our friends, Tom and Ian, won a Golden Spoon for their entry:

Justin's friend, Patrick, his brothers and their father won with this nifty cake:

Justin and Grampy's cake didn't win anything, but was a solid attempt nonetheless:

But the clear winner of the night, by far, was:

I guess when they heard "Military," they heard "Celebration of Manhood."

This not only won the massive "Golden Dildo" Award, but also conveniently provided an inroad by which fathers can talk to their little scouts about the horrors of STDs. And isn't that what male bonding is all about?

 

Hitting the Friday Afternoon Wall

Why is it that every single Friday afternoon, about 3:00, my productivity smacks face first into a concrete wall of weekend? All my motivation just flushes out of me with such force that I swear that I can almost hear the "whoosh" of it leaving. I still have stuff that needs to get done (well not today, but still). But suddenly, that stuff can wait until Monday. It HAS to. There's no other option. Weekend has a choke hold on me and won't let go.

I've tried to fight it. But with experience comes wisdom: It's simply easier to relax and succumb to the inevitable. The work week is over, kaput, sayonara.

Oh sure, I'll find a way to make up those two lost hours over the course of next week...until 3:00 Friday rolls around.

What grandma does in her spare time.

Pop quiz, hotshots:
What does an 84 year-old woman, two glamazons and Coldplay have in common? Click below to watch this video and come back to discuss...Don't worry, it's not obscene.
Really, it's the most bizarre thing you're going to see today.

Now it's time for a Q & A (well, it's more of a Q & Q)...

Let's try to process this visual together in a multiple-choice format.

Question 1: What IS the relationship between these two dancers?
A. Grandma/Grandson
B. Husband/Wife
C. Dominatrix/Sex Slave

Question 2: After a performance, do they...?
A. Go grab the Early Bird Special at Bill Knapps
B. Go to the gym and work on their rock-hard glutes
C. Go home, don their dog collars and get their freak on

Question 3: Where does one get such dancing apparel?
A. Grandma knits them for herself and for all the grandkids
B. They raided the dumpster behind the "Dancing with the Stars" lot
C. They went to the conveniently located Harborside Thong Boutique on the way to their performance

Question 4: Toward the end, Grandma seemed a little off-balance. Was it because...?
A. She's 84 and getting flipped through the air several times does that to octogenarians
B. Her legs were struggling to get reacquainted after the splits
C. It's 15 minutes past Happy Hour and mamma needs her manhattan

Question 5: How did this senior center manage to book Coldplay?
A. The lady is really Gweneth Paltrow's grandma
B. A resident has a sex tape of Chris Martin with Brad Pitt
C. The concert counts as 2 hours towards Coldplay's 80 hours of community service

Question 6: What other activities does this particular Senior Center enjoy?
A. Bridge Club Brass Pole Night every Wednesday with Pamela Anderson
B. Spry Guppies Water Aerobics Class with Mark Spitz
C. Don't Croak Karaoke Night with the Rolling Stones

Question 7: Where did the gigantic hostesses come from?
A. Aunt Pearl's Big & Tall Shoppe
B. Shoulderpads 'n' Such
C. 1982

Thanks to Cousin Phyllis for bringing this video to our attention. You'll be getting a bill from our therapist sometime next week.

New Look. Love it or hate it?

Well, we've revamped the hickspub.com site. Again. It's getting to be a yearly thing, really. Always a tear-down and rebuild; never just a simple renovation. Since you're here, you've found our new blog feature (congratulations, well done). In this politically-charged year, it'll give Hicks a safe place to channel his rage. Better here than me, I always say. Please feel free to comment at will. We strongly encourage your input.

In addition to this feature, you'll notice over the next couple weeks that things will move around. Old things will fall by the wayside and new features will emerge. Over the past year, I've found that I really only updated two pages, the home page and the hood page. With the new arrangement, I hope to not get into a rut when it comes to keeping things fresh. Also, as you cruise around, if you have any suggestions or requests, I'll do my level best to honor them. Each year, I do more and more web stuff (and I use the site as as my own personal petri dish for experimentation), so if you have something that you'd like to see, please let me know...because I'm on a constant quest to hone my web skills.